I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
