We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
