I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize