Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
