I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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