So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
