I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
