i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
