Say something about gay babies.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
