just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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