its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
