Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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