If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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