Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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