i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
