Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
