Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
