I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
