My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
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I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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