too bad you live with your parents still
zippers are such a cool invention
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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