guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
