covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
