theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
