the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize