I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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