So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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