Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
