I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
