Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
