totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you had me at cake vodka
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
