We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
