3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
