cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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