You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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