i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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