She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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