I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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