I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
