Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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