Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
