Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Come share oat with me in your robe
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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