I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
