Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
