Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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