Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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