ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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