I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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