even my farts smell like vagina
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
