ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize