I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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