Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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