yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
