im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
