what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
