I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
