you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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