It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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