I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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