Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
