Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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