i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
